My No Longer A Secret Spending Problem

I hate to admit it but it’s the truth. I have a big spending problem. Is it getting better? Yes, but I have gone through a lot of money to learn that I need to stop. I had a huge savings account. It was supposed to save me in tough times, unfortunately due to my medication I was prescribed for Bipolar Disorder, my impulsiveness was at its highest.

I found out after years of taking what I thought was supposed to lower the effects of my disorders, that it was actually just a pill for

migraine. I thought I was going about my normal business. Spending some here and there, every few weeks. Then it became every few days, then every day, lots of money, not just on cheap items. Things I didn’t need I’d buy. I thought that since I couldn’t find happiness through other people, I’d resort to materialism. But items only give you temporary happiness, and then after that happiness for that item is gone, you want more and more get your happiness fix. It was like an addiction, it was an addiction.

I had this problem for about 6 months. Absolutely no one knew I had a spending problem. I didn’t want people to worry about me so I kept my mouth shut. I didn’t want to say it out loud. Say out loud that I, had a spending problem. It was frightening for me. Once you say it out loud, it becomes real, and that’s what’s scary.

I managed to spend $4000 dollars in 3 months. I knew I had to tell someone but I still went on pretending nothing was wrong. It wasn’t until one night I was sitting alone with my mom that I knew I had to say something. I told her everything. What I thought would be one hell of a judgmental night, turned into something that I very much-needed. I was given advice and offered help to control my spending habits. It was a relief.

Now instead of going throughout my day spending money on things I don’t need, I go through a long thought process. Do I really need this? How long will this make me happy? Am I just trying to self medicate? 

Before I got help my thought process was: I deserve this. I’ve gone through a lot and I should be allowed to spend money on things that make me happy. I need this. 

I had trouble differentiating need from want, and that’s what held me back. Now I’m not saying that one talk with my mother has cured my spending problem, but it was a huge help to know that I’m not alone in this. My spending has gotten a lot better, I’m thinking things through and not spending nearly as much as I was. Do I still get temptations to purchase things I don’t need? Of course, I think we all do. But there’s a difference between having a temptation, and acting on that temptation.

Bottom line, if you think you have a spending problem. Don’t go through it alone. The problem will only get worse and worse if it does not get addressed. Save yourself from debt you don’t need or deserve. If you feel you have no one you can talk to or trust. My door is always open. You can reach me on my twitter (@alexaliciah) or my Instagram (alexaliciah). I’ll always be willing to do what I can to help.

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