Oh the constant need to investigate whether or not my memory is a part of reality or a part of a dream. Sometimes they are complex memories, and sometimes they are simple memories.
” Hey did I ask you if you wanted to hang out today or was that just a dream I had?”
Did I really run five miles yesterday?
I had a nature blog for a few months… and I’m just now remembering?
” I went grocery shopping last night or not?”
The confusion that goes through my head on a daily basis is never ending. I have memories that I am not sure ever really happened. It’s as if I have a fake part of me. I check with my friends and family to confirm whether or not things have happened. There are some things to this day I am not sure about.
You’ve had a vivid dream right? A dream that felt extremely real, as if you were there, living in that world. Of course when you wake up you realize it was a dream. But let’s change things around. Imagine having a vivid dream but this time you don’t know, you never know it’s a dream. You wake up and continue on with living your life, and every night, you get these dreams. As you talk to your friends and family you begin to realize these “memories” may not be real. You begin to question what your dreams are and what your real reality is. Day by day your mind deteriorates. When a memory is not real, you think your friends are playing tricks on you. You think you’re going insane. But the scariest thing is, there’s not much you can do about it.
I know that the medication called Rexulti which was just released recently has helped me a bit to decrease the amount of realistic dreams I have been having a little, and hey, anything helps. Rexulti is typically used to treat disorders such as major depressive disorder and schizophrenia. It has worked somewhat for me, who knows, it could work even better for you. I’ve had a few side effects such as a decreased appetite and drowsiness but that’s it and side affects vary among person to person.
If there is any chance you believe you have something like this, the best thing you can do is learn to cope, learn to cope with knowing that you will never truly be able to distinguish your dreams from your reality. That may seem like a negative thing but once you accept this you will feel so much better about yourself. It also helps a lot to make the people you are closest to aware of what you are going through so that you can ask them about your memories to confirm whether they are real or not. Overall I would definitely recommend seeking help. Don’t let your mind deteriorate like I let mine.